A start

I feel like I've been holding my breath for over 3 years, just watching and waiting and serving and thinking and studying and waiting and holding it all in. It's so important not to betray my true feelings, of exhaustion, or worry, or shock, or despair. Nothing must leak. Nothing must go out there. Nothing must be detected. Not a facial twitch, or sigh, or welling up, or a downward look. Nothing at all. She is an expert detective, a card shark, a reader of faces. Over 75% of communication is non-verbal and she can read it all. And, like a nervous animal, not a hair will be seen outside of the safety of cover unless she is absolutely confident that all is well. Not one slight murmer of her thoughts, anxieties or state of mind will be released if there is any doubt at all that she will be accepted and understood.

And yet, there is a faint glimmer of a lightening, of a hint of direction, of a possible way to less darkness, less oppressive conditions, somewhere that is easier to breathe in. But with that slight shift towards hope, comes a greater pressure on the flood gates. I dare not let them go, but I am starting to crack. And so, in desperation to share and maybe ease the load, I have started this blog.

Keep your fingers crossed, and maybe also your toes!